It's Monday December 7th and I'm on vacation, spending it exclusively at home. I'm in pajamas, unkempt with a week's beard, sitting in front of a big TV playing GTA: The Ballad of Gay Tony. If anything else, this is a brief reprieve from the stresses and pomp that I go through to buy things like the TV, so it's a nice balance.
You might not get the vibe from that introduction to this post, but I lead a very fulfilling and fast paced life most of the time. I work in corporate aviation and live a pretty comfortable existence as a result. It's a skill that 10 years ago I would not have fathomed for myself, but yet there I am dealing with the politics of moving things from point A to B, drifting on a coffee buzz all the while.
When I'm not working, I'm playing.
Recently I joined a band called The Hostile Cosmos (http://www.myspace.com/thehostilecosmos) and it's a new thing for all of us as it was only formed in September of this year. In this environment, I'm creating feedback, riffs, solos, vocals and generally a great deal of ruckus. It's a beautiful thing because the band I'm in is also motivated to make it a success, so it instills some hope into my life that I could one day make my living from it. True or False, having that kind of Hope makes it worthwhile to keep doing both things with equal vigor.
This past year, I got married and it's helped me to be more focused on my future. I have found my soul mate and I think that committing to my life in full right now will make me a better person for this future.
10 years ago I struggled with my identity, thinking that I had to be one or the other, as if everyone in the world had to make the gamble between "Artist" and "Sellout". This made me a cynical fuck for many years, thinking that escaping from the "suburban nightmare" was the goal. I'm a bit smarter than that now.
The better choice is to put all of your chess pieces in play. Work strategically, realize limits and make it all happen. And occasionally take a week or two off to play video games, hang out with your cats, stay in your pajamas and write a blog about it.
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